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I was homophobic. So God gave me three gay kids and told me to grow the hell up. My friend’s Mom (via 2breed)

(Source: cubsterkarofsky)

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why do small children find the need to scream like they’re being brutally murdered

or motherfuckers in highschool hallways god dammit like you saw stacy yesterday chill the fuck out

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how come every vampire in vampire stories is a hundred years old tho why cant we get a newbie vampire like

"how long have you been 17"
“about a year and a half actually its kinda trippy”

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team i can’t do math for shit but i can write a 3 page english paper in less than an hour 

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ah yes the four seasons. wet, hot, halloween, and christmas

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